June
8, 2005 Time: around 1:45 P.M. I was at my hostel’s lunch hall chattering and
making fun of my friends after the second semester’s final exam. I was as happy
as a kid and as mad as a madman. My friend shouted,” tharik, a call for you! Urgent
son!” My friend gave his cell phone. It’s my friend from Chennai on the other
side.
I
said,” hello!”
My
friend replied with a firm voice and there was a sense of remorse in his voice.
He said,”when are you starting?”
“Tomorrow
with my friends. You knew that before. It’s my last day of the semester. I
would prefer to come with them in train. Is there any problem?”
There
was a long pause on the other side and he sighed,” start A.S.A.P”
“Why?”
“Don’t
ask me reasons son! Try to understand. Start immediately”
“Come
on! We booked the tickets already. “
“So
what? Start now. I can’t tell you reasons now. I’ll tell you everything after
reaching here”
With
a firm voice I replied,” tell me the reason”.
The
reply was abrupt and stern. He said,” Your dad is no more”. He hung up the
phone.
Momentary
madness struck me. Tears filled my eyes and my legs trembled. My friend took
hold of me. Sudden chillness rushed through my body as I was unable to believe
what I have heard. I ran like a mad towards the telephone booth even though I
had my friend’s phone in my hand. I don’t know why I did that. I don’t know why
I ran like a lunatic. I reached the telephone booth and called my uncle. I mourned, “What happened to dad?”
He
replied,” no problem. He is serious. Nothing to worry. When are you coming?”
Contradicting
replies yet it lured me to believe that he was alive.
I
replied,” tonight”
He
rejoined,” ok. See you tonight”
He
hung up the phone.
My
friend asked,” what happened?”
“My
dad is serious and I’m going home”
My
friend replied with a deep regret,” don’t worry, he will be fine. Don’t lose
your hope. Call me once you reach there.”
I
nodded and reached my room faster; I packed my things rapidly and four of my friends
accompanied me till the railway station.
Two
words were ringing in my ears. They are “he is serious”. It echoed in my ears
and I pondered over the last moments at the lunch hall till I reach the
station. My friends bid adieu to me and I waved my hand after getting into the
compartment. I wasn’t me that day. I lost my self in a fearsome nightmare that
haunted me like a spectre. I sat and covered my eyes with my hand. I don’t know
whom to believe or what to believe. I became passive.
“Sir,
it’s too late. We already have began our course for the tenth standard
students. I’m sorry sir; it’s hard for your son to pursue with only six months
remaining” said the principal with a delicate voice.
“I
know my son better than everyone. I know that I’m going to attach him here with
only six months remaining. But, he is not what you think. He is better than
that. Take my word. He joins here at the last moment. From today, count the days;
he will come out of tenth standard with flying colours. He will bring pride to
your school as well as to me. It’s not a word. It’s more than that”, my dad’s
voice was firm and confident as I was sitting beside him, quietly admiring his
words.
“Sir,
could you please move a bit?” a stranger said. I looked upon him with my red
eyes and moved a bit to give space for him to sit. My belief was getting
stronger and stronger. I prayed that nothing should happen to him. I muttered
that he should be fine. I mourned and peeked out of the window.
The
lamenting breeze swept over my face. I lost myself again and I never wanted that.
“I
have transferred 2000 rupees last month. You are reckless in spending money.
What did you do with that 2000?” My dad inscribed on his notebook to
communicate with people as the cancer took its toll of his voice and he was fed
through his nose. He was not the same dad whom I have seen tucking his shirt
and walked lion hearted. He was ill, severely ill.
I
stammered after reading his inscriptions. I replied, “hummm...”
My
sister came to my rescue. She steered, “Dad! He knows what he is doing. He is
young .trust him that he will not deviate. Just give him please!” She hugged my
dad and her hug was passionate.
I
woke up and realized that I reached Katpadi which is just a 2 hour travel from Chennai.
I didn’t talk to any of my fellow travellers and I didn’t want to. Peace
swallowed me. I thought about my days with my dad. I thought about the day when
my dad ordered me not to come near him and told me not to touch him. Because he
thought that it might spread. I felt lonely and my home had lost the sun shines
and rainbows. I thought about my last visit to my home. My brother and I have
given the blood for my dad’s operation. I slept after reaching my home and felt
the feathery touch of my father’s fingers running through my hairs. I didn’t
want to open my eyes. I didn’t really want to. I just wanted to feel it. His
tears fell on my cheek.
“Son,
we reached avadi. Where are you gonna get down? I’m sorry I didn’t want to wake
you up. Just wanted you to know”, said the stranger next to me.
I
replied, “Thanks. I shall get down at Chennai central”
He
rejoined,” Okay.”
He
continued with his routine and I kept looking outside the window.
Finally,
I reached central station and got out of the station. I got an Auto and told
him my destination. I sat near the entrance and was deep in thought. I thought
about my telephone call to my home. Since no one was available at home, my dad
attended the call. He couldn’t speak as the cancer completely closed his mouth.
He tried to talk to me. He tried and tried. I realized that it’s my dad on the
other side. I echoed, “ dad? Dad? Are you there?” He couldn’t speak and I heard
only the mourning sound. I cried and hung up the phone. I covered my eyes with
my hands and cried after hanging up.
I
realized that I was nearing my home when I felt a sudden jolt. I directed the
auto man to my home. I got out of the auto at the turn of my street. My friends
saw and took charge of my bag. I asked them,” what happened? ”
They
guided me to my home. When crossed the turn I saw people sitting outside my
home. Tears started to roll down my cheeks. I don’t remember what happened
after that. It was only bits and pieces. I was completed shattered. I was
looking at my dad’s body inside the freezer box. I was looking at him the
entire night. I couldn’t believe myself that he was gone. I prayed, “Dear God, if you are looking down at me, please! Bring him
back.”