LUCK

“Please, close the door properly”, repeated the lift voice announcer.  Irked Yogesh hurled the lift’s door and the annoying sound echoed everywhere. He didn’t worry about that and pressed the “G” button. Now, the lift started downstairs from the fifth floor. Something was troubling Yogesh. He raced through the walkway towards his bike parked at the lot.

“Mr.Yogesh Parthasarathy, May I have your attention please?”, taunted the manager with a sarcastic gesture. Bewildered Yogesh shifted his gaze from the window towards the presentation screen but his mind was pondering over the things that happened in the morning at home. He was at a meeting where the top heads of the organisation were present and serious discussion on marketing strategy was going on. But, Yogesh was upset and he didn’t lend his ears to the discussion. Instead, his mind revolved around his apartment, his 8 year old kid Yogan and his wife Baghyashree.” I shouldn’t have done that. That’s my fault”, he reproached himself and he seemed disappointed over his behaviour. Yogesh grimaced and scolded himself. Meeting was over and he got up from his place. He wanted to see his little kid and his wife desperately. He ran towards the parking lot. He wore his helmet in a hurry and started the bike. He didn’t tie the strap as it suffocated him.  While doing so, he looked at his key chain where a small piece of wood was tied to its chain and the wood had the word “LUCK” engraved on it. He glimmered at it.

“Dad! Please just for a day!! I will give it back this evening once I come back home” pleaded the 8 year old Yogan to his dad.

“Yogan, I have told you many a times. Don’t touch my key chain and you knew that very well yet you are asking me”, firm voice of Yogesh struck back.

Yogesh cried, “dad, I won’t break it. I’ll give it to mom as soon as I come back home”.

Bhagyasri came in support of Yogan, “Yogesh! It’s just a key chain. Why are you being harsh on him?

Yogesh’s voice became harder this time,” Bhagya! How many times should I have to tell you? You knew it very well how much it means to me?”

Bhagya’s voice was stern this time,” It was a coincidence and you are superstitious on that”.

Argument became intense and Yogan  looked helpless. Both started to abuse each other and at one point of time, Yogesh slapped Bhagya. She looked stunned so as Yogan. Both of their eyes filled with tears. Yogesh grabbed the key chain from the little kid and left. While leaving, he slammed the door.

Yogesh was half way to his home. He was driving along the beach high way and he reproached the incidents happened in the morning. He called his wife while driving. That’s how traffic rules are broken in India. He had his head phone on his ears and called his wife. She didn’t pick up. He tried again but no response. Suddenly he heard a voice shouting “That’s my tennis ball! Give it to me!! Somebody please catch the dog!!” Yogesh was familiar with that voice and as he realized it, he turned his head slightly towards the direction of the voice. It’s a moment he would regret forever. It’s the moment of madness. Suddenly someone shouted “watch out!!”.

          Yogesh didn’t see the hasty dog running across the road. When he saw that, he lost his control over his vehicle as it rammed on to a speeding bus on the side. He was tossed away from his vehicle. The brutal force plucked the helmet out of his head. Yogesh plummeted down crushing the road. His jaws were broken. Blood oozed out of his head. At that moment, he heard a voice screaming,” Daddyyyyyy!!” Vision blurred and he lost his conscious.

         Doctor explained,” The accident severely damaged his skull. We call it as Intra cranial injury. It may lead to brain death or he may become normal but it would take some time. At present, he is serious and I can’t assure you on anything. I’m sorry”.

         Bhagyasri was unable to endure the doctor’s words. She was sobbing and her red eyes lost its life. Her life was on trial. Her legs trembled. She fainted and fell on the floor. Weeks passed. No sign of improvement in Yogesh’s health. Bhagyasri peeked through ICU door and tears filled her eyes.

She didn’t sleep for days. She was sitting on the chair outside the ICU. A nurse came out of the ICU and asked for Bhagyasri. She jumped up and replied with hope, “Yes.”

       Nurse asked her to come inside along with her kid. She was nervous and she walked in. As she stepped in, blood raced through her body. She felt that chill. Yes, she saw her superstitious husband half awake on the bed. She inched closer and touched him. It was happy tears and the little kid kissed his dad and he took the key chain out of his pocket which he had taken from the accident site. He showed it to him and thrust into his dad hand. But, Yogesh patted his little kid on the cheek and thrust it back to his kid’s palm. The little kid said,”Love you dad!”

     Yogesh’s weak throat replied, “Love you too!!” He regretted the moment that happened weeks back. He looked at his wife pleadingly and said, “I’m sorry bhagya!”

TO HUMANITY

                 While everyone is busy with their lives, one old mother gives a small place for a little cat to breed. While everyone is flying on their wheels, one young man stops to give way for an old man. While everyone is busy crossing the road, one little kid says “thank you uncle!!” to the Traffic constable. While everyone is running behind money, one man stops and gives money to a beggar. While everyone is passing by, one old man stops to salute the tricoloured flag flying high at the war memorial hall. While everyone is busy walking, one kid holds an old woman’s hand and guides her crossing the road. While everyone is running out of fear to save their life, one stops and saves an injured. While everyone is carrying out their work, one stops to buy all the goods from a child labour in beach and saves his day. While everyone is looking at their path, one school boy deviates and looks at a person on the roadside and says “Cute painting!!”. While everyone points their finger at you, one holds you high. While everyone refuses to offer their seat, one offers his seat to an old man in a bus. While everyone stamps you, one lends his hand to lift you up. Millions are dying in wars, few are mourning for them. When thousands massacred in front of his eyes, 12 year old kid took an oath to save the people from tyranny. When the Nazi’s massacred millions of Jews in Poland, one Oskar Schindler guided thousands of Jews to  the door of freedom.  When our own didn’t think about us, a nun from republic of Macedonia dedicated her life for the unknowns. In history, we often read about the changes brought in by one person to the humanity and it happens once in a while. What if the change is collective? That would change the fate of this humanity once and for all.

MY IMPECCABLE WORLD

                               I’m living in a mad world. I’m living in a world where women are being rapped; Kids are being battered and slaved. I’m living in a world built by hatred; Love is an illusion in this haunted society; People are driven by vengeance and enmity; to Punish is better than to forgive in this world; Darkness overpowers sun shine and evil overpowers virtue; People are governed by capitalistic vampires and socialistic saints are downtrodden. I’m living in a world where farm lands are replaced by luxurious homes; O ye my dear farmer! I’m a meagre spectator and I feel for my inability. Poor are being suppressed; O ye brother! I’m shattered and I feel for my inactivity. My people are half dead due to the ill activities of riches. My brothers are suffering by malnutrition. My ill mothers are unable to breast feed their babies. My fathers are unable to feed our families. My people are suffering because of famine. Valluvan said 2000 years back, the only gift is giving to the poor, all else is exchange. This rich world doesn’t know the art of giving. God! Selfish people they are! My people are eaten alive; they are all walking dead. If you are omnipotent, if you are omnipresent heal their pain. Relieve them from their agony. If not, give me the power and strength to create my own world, an impeccable world! A world of love; a world of purity; a world of humanity; a world of divinity; a world governed by egalitarian doctrines. God! Please give me strength and power or teleport us to such a world. When you can create a world for riches, why can’t you create one for suppressed people at the extreme end of this society? When you can create a world of hate, why can’t you create a world for love? When you can create a world of monsters, why can’t you create a world for victims?

MEETING WITH SHAHEED

 Eerie night, I could barely see the road after ten meters since there was total darkness around and the moon was my only companion.  An old lad said once, “Courage is nothing but hiding the fear”.  I was walking down a lane on that eerie night hiding my fear. The dark trees grown on the either side of the lane were still and daunted me. I presume it’s a park. Lawns were deserted and I could hardly see any movement in the vicinity. I said to myself, “Is this world running out of oxygen?” I didn’t stop anywhere and started walking faster after hearing a barking sound in the distance. I started to move towards that sound. It became louder and louder. I reached that place and saw a black dog parking at a man sitting on a park bench. I was startled to see a lonely person in a deserted park and I said to myself,” God! What the hell?” and inched closer to that gentleman. Lack of light didn’t allow me to see his face and sat in such a way that his back was facing me. I threw a stone on that dog and it ran from that place.

          “Should I go and have a chat with him or should I start to walk away”, said to myself with a pale face.

Obviously, your face would be pale and daunted if you are in a no man’s land where darkness prevails. Vampires, Draculas etc., all filmy creatures started to flash in my eyes. I inched closer and he was a step away from me. Intuition said,” Don’t touch him!” But, my eagerness went a step ahead and said to me,” Speak with him”.

Irked and afraid of the either senses, I touched the gentleman and closed my eyes out of fear. I prayed,” God! What am I doing? Please save me!”

I opened my eyes and saw the gentleman’s face for the first time. He was wearing a blazer with a hat slightly inclined to one side of the head; clean shaved look; Moustache, everyman want to keep one like that. That was so attractive and I was fascinated seeing the gentleman with well built body. I blinked my eyes twice and spoke with him,” I have seen you somewhere sir!”

           Gentleman replied, “I don’t think so! They hardly have any portraits of me!” His voice and accent was masculine and I was succumbed to that.

            I spoke, “are you a celebrity?”

        That gentleman struck back,” you mean....... a famous person!! I hope not. I’m an ordinary Indian citizen.”

             I didn’t give up. I posted another question, “Nice meeting you! May I know your name sir?”

             This time his accent was heavy and he said with a proud voice, “Bhagat!”.

             I replied quickly, “ Chetan Bhagat?? You don’t look like Chetan Bhagat. I have seen him on TV and newspaper many a times. He wears a goggle.”

  He looked angry, grimaced gentleman shouted at me, “ Shaheed Bhagat singh, one of the leaders of Hindustan socialist republican organisation, participated in Indian Independence movement. I hope, now you could recollect me.” He calmed down and gave a dismayed look. I looked stunned; my mouth fell open; my legs started shaking; my body was shivering; palms started sweating; Mouth ran for words. I stammered and stood there like a person went through electric shock. My eyes didn’t blink and entire world came to a still for me. I was searching for words, conjunctions and finally formed a question, “Si....r, is that true?”

He raised his eyebrows and questioningly struck back, “what??”

I stammered, “I mean..Whatever you said, was that true? Are you the Indian freedom fighter Shaheed bhagat singh who underwent 116 days fast in jail for prisoner rights?”

His sharp eyes looked at me and his eyes were proud, “yes!! I am.” He stood up and started leaving without saying a word after that.

I didn't want to let him go. But, I was afraid to call him back.  I brought the courage out of me and called him,” Shaheed!

            He turned back and smiled at me. I asked him, “Where are you going?”

          “To the place where the peace prevails. To the place where everyone are equal”, replied shaheed.

           I shot back, “why do you say like that? I mean... why do you say that there is no peace in this world?”

           He said, “Comrade, you have the answer yet you are asking me. Religions, castes, creed, Greed, war, pollution, enmity, capitalism, poverty, draught, slavery....” I stopped him there and questioningly asked him, “Slavery? This country is democratic and everyone has equal rights. We have been a slave once but not now.”

Shaheed laughed loudly and it echoed everywhere. He looked at me with his fiery eyes and said, “Comrade, it took three hundred years to cut ourselves loose from tyranny. Now, the situation is even worse. I think, it would take generations to clean the mess people have done to our country. Directly or indirectly, we are still a slave to this modernised society, capitalistic world and foreign power. Indirectly we depend on the people, from whom we set ourselves free. Slavery has rooted deeply in our society. It’s in our blood. You can’t harvest it as its radix is very deep. Comrade! I lost my confidence. So only I’m going back.”

Finally he took a long breath and said to me, “I’m glad that you knew something about me. I Hope, this country don’t forget the people who shed their blood to free ourselves from tyranny, Jai Hind!”

He turned back and started to walk away and the darkness started to engulf him. He was gone. All of a sudden, I heard loud noises. I could hardly hear the words. But, I’m certain that someone is calling me. The voice seemed slow and I was unable to interpret it. Voice became louder and louder. Then I realized that it’s my mother’s voice. Words became clearer and she shouted, “Ittt’ss ti..me.. Gettt upp!!! Gettt uppp!!! Todaaayyy yoouu haavve offficceee!!!!!”

SMOKE...

             Lost love, forgotten personality, orphaned life, pain and fear on death, final stage of life, loneliness, lost friendship, unforgiving mistakes and nothing more can perforate a dying man’s brain so hard. Fuming lungs refuse to cope up with him yet Jeevan, young in age but not his anatomy, got up pressing the bed hard with his fumbling hands and his almost dead limbs refused to stand for him. He hardly has power in his limbs yet he stood up. Undying cigarette smelled all over his home ready to up its count to plus one.

             One of his trembling limbs already placed his one leg in the next life. His bare chest hardly has muscle in it. His anaemic eyes have stories to tell. That’s what a lung cancer can do. It’s been days he ate. Packet of cigarettes was his food. With great difficulty in breathing, Jeevan walked from his bed room up to wash basin. Zoi, his only companion mourning over his partner’s inability, ran till his feet and licked it with love and affection. Suddenly, Jeevan coughed up the blood and it spilled over the wash basin. Startled Zoi started to bark. Jeevan pressed his chest which cries because of pain, agony and frustration. Tears exploded from his insomniac eyes. He turned and hunched towards the bed. Sigh of relief on his face when he fell on the bed. His body lost its fluid and started to ache for rest.

             Jeevan, with a life in his name, closed his eyes but not dead yet.

Janani with blood shot eyes, “What?”

Jeevan with frustrated eyes cried, “I didn’t mean to hurt you but I’m out of options. I don’t want you to spend your life with a dying man. Please go away”.

Janani cried back, “I’m........ I’m..... shattered and broken Jeev. I have begged you to give up this damn smoking habit yet you deluded me. I can’t leave you like this”.

Jeevan added fuel to the fire,” Janani please, leave me alone. I don’t want to speak with anyone right now”.

Janani was unable to endure his words and stood there solemnly with a killer look and her eyes refused to cry this time, “Disappointed Jeev! I still love you and take care”.

Frustrated Janani shut the door as she walked out.

          Jeevan opened his eyes wiping the tears which shed on his bed. Janani was all over his heart. He coughed again as Zoi looked on his partner. Jeevan, restlessly moved his body and pondered over his lost happiness.  Happiness, a word which is only a dream to Jeevan and the word was literally erased from his life when he was diagnosed with acute lung cancer at advanced stage 6 months back.

As his neurons were pondering over his past, the Cell phone vibrated. He took the phone and it seemed heavy for him. “Hello”, he said with a heavy accent. His voice didn’t have strength in it. Sobbing sound was heard from the other side as his mom was crying. Jeevan didn’t have jeevan(life) in his voice to console her and he was unable to understand what was she telling because it was cancerous cells all over his body. From brain till limbs, it took toll on every living organ in his body and ears were not an exception. Reluctant throat obliged him to hang up the phone. He hung up. The phone rang again, again and kept on ringing. He neglected it and closed his eyes.

“Hey jeeva!! What do you want to become?” his mother kissed on his forehead as he was lying on her lap.

Jeeva looked on his mother and giggled, “Don’t know ma! Whatever be I am in the future, I want you to be with me. Will ya?”

Mom rubbed his cheek and patted him with a reply, “You are everything to me! where will I go?”. As his mom moved to his forehead for a kiss, a ball struck on Jeevan’s bed side window and startled Jeevan opened his eyes from his childhood dream. He peeked through the window and looked down. He saw three kids playing cricket and were shouting at each other. He could barely hear it. Even his dreams were shattered.

            Zoi started barking but Jeevan hardly hears it and he forgot himself into the world of pain and agony. He lied with his stomach pressing the bed and he felt relaxed. Zoi didn’t stop there, it started licking his partner’s cheek but Jeevan was numb. He hardly felt it. Visions blurred. He heard indistinct voices. Faces of his mother, Friends, Janani, Zoi flashed in his eyes. His recalcitrant lungs didn’t answer his call for more air. Finally, He closed his eyes and took one last breath and slept forever where all dreams died. Warmth and peace struck him after six months of struggle for survival. Defiant Zoi didn’t move aside instead it pressed his head on his partners shoulder and tried to wake him up. But a lasting sleep was the only answer. 

UNFORGETTABLE DAY...

Have you ever been embarrassed or hit by a total stranger or lost somewhere in an unknown city during your boyhood. I have been to that situation once. Terrible one not because of the events which I have came across but because of the fact that I was new to this selfish metro and also, that particular day was my first day to school at Chennai. Life at metro began with a big incident which I could never forget in my life and sometimes I take those events as experiences, because I was a kid then but after those incidents, I started realizing the fact that, if you are an innocent or if you try to act like an innocent kid, never mind, you will be beaten by strangers without any reason in a metro.

I reached Chennai three days before my first day to school. I was 14 year old kid with full of dreams. I have never seen buildings of ten storeys or roads with four lanes. I have never seen too many vehicles or luxury vehicles crossing with lightning speed. I have never seen girls wearing denims other than movies. Seeing everything on a single day made me nervous. One question poked me. How am I going to survive in this ludicrous world?

First day to school:

Event 1:

My dad: Bus stop is a block away from our mansion. Shankar sir (My dad’s friend at mansion) will   accompany you!

Me: Come on dad!! This is my first day to school. I do not know any places here or bus stops. Can’t you drop me till my school? I can be on my own in the evening.

My dad: Son, you are not a kid anymore! You are 14 year old.

Questions started to race in my mind. If I am not a kid, then what is mean by a kid? What is the age group if you want to be a kid? With so many questions in my head, like a snail, I carried my bag on my back. I started walking with heavy heart with Shankar sir. I thought Shankar sir will accompany me or at-least he would teach me the routes. All of a sudden, Shankar sir pushed me.

Shankar Sir: Son, there is your bus!! It’s about to leave. Run! Your stop name is Beach station!

Me: (Beach station??? That’s all I know).

I ran for my life. Till that time, I never ran like that. I ran as if that was my only bus to beach station. Bus started when conductor whistled. I ran and got into the bus rapidly with single hand snatching the entrance handle. A sigh of relief on my face, I did it. As the relief began to fade, a big slap on my cheek made me to lose my balance.  I stumbled and raised my head to see a gigantic figure with red eyes staring at me. Yes, the bus conductor.

Conductor: Are you nuts? What happens if you have lost the grip on the handle? I have to answer my officials.

Me: (tears exploded from my eyes. I rubbed my cheek and asked the conductor for a ticket to beach station).

I was embarrassed and gazes shifted towards me as if I have stolen something from someone. I thought about my mom and wiped my tears with my hand kerchief. Poor kid I was!

Event 2:

After that slap stick incident, I was peeping through the bus window and was looking at the roads and passersby. That gigantic figure of that conductor was crossing my mind once in a small gap of a time frame. I lost track of everything and my bus stop as well. Thanks to that one big slap. I was afraid to ask the conductor but I managed to ask him.

Me: Brother, Please tell me, when the bus reaches beach station stop. Thank you.

Conductor: (staring) Bus crossed that stop 10 minutes back.

Me: (My heart stopped) Please stop the bus! I have to go to school and I’m late already.

Bus stopped. I have to ask people, the way for my school. It took half an hour for me to reach the school. I reached and a shocker was awaiting me; school gates were closed; Late comers were waiting at the gates; I was one of them. Physical education teacher came out and saw us waiting. He took one big stick and started beating the late comers. 

He asked me “why did you come late?”

I replied with a shock in my eyes “I’m a new comer and I lost track of my bus stop”.  I thought he might spare me.  Instead, he hit me twice with the stick on my back. I asked God, “please! Is that all or something else awaiting me. Spare me”.

Event 3:

School got over. I was the centre of attraction and heard people murmuring about me. I hardly understood their English because I was poorer in English than any other student in that class. I acted as if I didn’t mind them. I got out of the school and started following the other kids to beach station bus stop. Bus arrived and sat on the front seat which is near to the driver and was waiting for the conductor. Bus reached simpson bus stop. You have to give credit to me, till then I was waiting for the conductor because, in my home town conductor used to reach the passenger’s seats and issue tickets, no matter how rush it is. I was expecting the same here. Expectation hurts!

            Ticket checker got into the bus and I was caught red handed. They chucked me out. This time, I literally cried and begged them. I didn’t notice one thing in that mess. It was my history teacher in the same bus. (I have got enough from the history teacher on the next day).

I begged the ticket checker and finally bribed him the amount which I had for my dinner. I cursed my dad. I cursed my brother. I cursed every living thing in this world. With heavy heart, I started walking from the place of embarrassment to my mansion. I tried calling my mother and tried to tell her to take me home. I thought of my die-hard friends at my home town. I was afraid to live in this city. Today, 11 years passed, I’m looking back at those moments that taught me the ways to survive.

LETTER TO MANIVANNAN IAS

                                                          Dear Manivannan,

Brother, I heard the news of your death, it was bits and pieces. I was sad. I read it, I was shattered. Reason for your death was speculated. Some said that you killed yourself because of unrequited love. Some said that you hung yourself when you felt that you were unable to realize your dream. But, more than that, everyone failed to see the thorns on your path and the pain you beared while crossing it. Your life is a life of a kid at the extreme end of this society. A life no one would have ever dreamed of; A life, every youngster would have been inspired; A life of a child labour; A life of a troubled young man; A life filled with pain, sorrow and undying aspiration to announce yourself at the highest level in this in-equal world; A life of a cursed in this globalised society.

Brother, if the failed love was the only reason behind your act of taking your life then I would feel for your inability; I would feel for your blindness; I would feel that you refused to realize the efforts that evoked you; I would feel for your mother’s dream and a brother’s tears; I would feel that you will be forgotten by this 95% selfish society; I would feel for the people who trusted the resurrection of the cursed; I would feel for the society around you, that trusted you, encouraged you and did everything they could for a losing cause; I would feel that you failed to see the real love. A love that lasts the longest is the love that is never forgotten, motherly love said by a famous poet. I would feel that you are no more. I would feel that this society will be back to normal, the next day.

Brother, if you died because of your conclusion that you will not be able to realize your dream then you didn’t trust yourself; you didn’t look back at the path you have crossed; you didn’t see yourself; you didn’t back yourself; you behaved like a coward; you distracted from your path to glory; At last you destroyed yourself.

When I read the paper, statistics started speaking. Newspapers displayed the number of suicidal deaths. I dreamt what if you were alive, what if you have reached the height at-last, what if you have justified the efforts taken by the kind hearts. Life have become a question of “what’s and if’s”, “why’s and why not’s”.

Brother, it was started as if it’s going to become a legend. Now, hopes of thousands are lying beneath your coffin. If given a chance, I would engrave this letter on your coffin, because I’m not a passerby. I’m a person who literally shed tears seeing the news paper. You are gone. You are no more. You have become another passing cloud, not for me.

                                                                                                           With love,

                                                                                                 Anonymous brother

                                                                                                                                          

P.S: May your soul rest in peace.