SMOKE...

             Lost love, forgotten personality, orphaned life, pain and fear on death, final stage of life, loneliness, lost friendship, unforgiving mistakes and nothing more can perforate a dying man’s brain so hard. Fuming lungs refuse to cope up with him yet Jeevan, young in age but not his anatomy, got up pressing the bed hard with his fumbling hands and his almost dead limbs refused to stand for him. He hardly has power in his limbs yet he stood up. Undying cigarette smelled all over his home ready to up its count to plus one.

             One of his trembling limbs already placed his one leg in the next life. His bare chest hardly has muscle in it. His anaemic eyes have stories to tell. That’s what a lung cancer can do. It’s been days he ate. Packet of cigarettes was his food. With great difficulty in breathing, Jeevan walked from his bed room up to wash basin. Zoi, his only companion mourning over his partner’s inability, ran till his feet and licked it with love and affection. Suddenly, Jeevan coughed up the blood and it spilled over the wash basin. Startled Zoi started to bark. Jeevan pressed his chest which cries because of pain, agony and frustration. Tears exploded from his insomniac eyes. He turned and hunched towards the bed. Sigh of relief on his face when he fell on the bed. His body lost its fluid and started to ache for rest.

             Jeevan, with a life in his name, closed his eyes but not dead yet.

Janani with blood shot eyes, “What?”

Jeevan with frustrated eyes cried, “I didn’t mean to hurt you but I’m out of options. I don’t want you to spend your life with a dying man. Please go away”.

Janani cried back, “I’m........ I’m..... shattered and broken Jeev. I have begged you to give up this damn smoking habit yet you deluded me. I can’t leave you like this”.

Jeevan added fuel to the fire,” Janani please, leave me alone. I don’t want to speak with anyone right now”.

Janani was unable to endure his words and stood there solemnly with a killer look and her eyes refused to cry this time, “Disappointed Jeev! I still love you and take care”.

Frustrated Janani shut the door as she walked out.

          Jeevan opened his eyes wiping the tears which shed on his bed. Janani was all over his heart. He coughed again as Zoi looked on his partner. Jeevan, restlessly moved his body and pondered over his lost happiness.  Happiness, a word which is only a dream to Jeevan and the word was literally erased from his life when he was diagnosed with acute lung cancer at advanced stage 6 months back.

As his neurons were pondering over his past, the Cell phone vibrated. He took the phone and it seemed heavy for him. “Hello”, he said with a heavy accent. His voice didn’t have strength in it. Sobbing sound was heard from the other side as his mom was crying. Jeevan didn’t have jeevan(life) in his voice to console her and he was unable to understand what was she telling because it was cancerous cells all over his body. From brain till limbs, it took toll on every living organ in his body and ears were not an exception. Reluctant throat obliged him to hang up the phone. He hung up. The phone rang again, again and kept on ringing. He neglected it and closed his eyes.

“Hey jeeva!! What do you want to become?” his mother kissed on his forehead as he was lying on her lap.

Jeeva looked on his mother and giggled, “Don’t know ma! Whatever be I am in the future, I want you to be with me. Will ya?”

Mom rubbed his cheek and patted him with a reply, “You are everything to me! where will I go?”. As his mom moved to his forehead for a kiss, a ball struck on Jeevan’s bed side window and startled Jeevan opened his eyes from his childhood dream. He peeked through the window and looked down. He saw three kids playing cricket and were shouting at each other. He could barely hear it. Even his dreams were shattered.

            Zoi started barking but Jeevan hardly hears it and he forgot himself into the world of pain and agony. He lied with his stomach pressing the bed and he felt relaxed. Zoi didn’t stop there, it started licking his partner’s cheek but Jeevan was numb. He hardly felt it. Visions blurred. He heard indistinct voices. Faces of his mother, Friends, Janani, Zoi flashed in his eyes. His recalcitrant lungs didn’t answer his call for more air. Finally, He closed his eyes and took one last breath and slept forever where all dreams died. Warmth and peace struck him after six months of struggle for survival. Defiant Zoi didn’t move aside instead it pressed his head on his partners shoulder and tried to wake him up. But a lasting sleep was the only answer.